Help! My husband won’t look for a job

Dear Aunty,

My husband has not had a proper job in almost 2 years and his failure to find work has been causing problems. We have a young daughter but have been forced to rely on our families in order to survive.

My husband is an intelligent man with good school grades, a degree in accountancy and has been studying towards his accountancy qualifications. The problems began when the company he used to work for went bust and he lost his job. At the start he was full of energy and applied for lots of jobs but now seems to have lost all his energy and barely applies for any. 

What can I suggest to help him?

Aunty says

I am sorry to hear about your problems. The situation you have described is quite common although I am sure that does not make it any less difficult for you.

Initially your husband was full of energy and was applying for lots of jobs. As time passed he was unable to find a job and suffered more and more rejection. Rejection can be painful and it can cause people to hide away from what they see as the source of the pain. In your husbands case I suspect that he has begun to find applying for jobs and rejection as a source of pain. This is entirely understandable and is a very human response.

There are several things that I think you should do in order to help your husband.

Firstly, I would work with him to try and examine the reasons why his applications have proved unsuccessful in the past. Is he under/over qualified for the roles that he is applying for? Is he ensuring that his applications meet the requirements stipulated in the job advertisements? You can find lots of great tips on how to improve your applications by reading through the advice available at www.gozambiajobs.com/career-advice.

Secondly, I would try to would try to change his mindset from one that views applications as a source of pain to one of achievement. Each application completed becomes an achievement and you should praise him for each one submitted. The hope is that your gentle positive reinforcement will help him to feel more energised and happier about sending applications.

Finally, I would suggest finding other ways that will help your husband feel happy about himself. For many people (especially men) a large part of their identity is centred on their job. Take this away from them and it can lead to feelings of unhappiness and uselessness. If you find other ways to make your husband feel happy and useful then he will have more energy to apply for jobs. You could do this by encouraging him to do volunteer work or to become more involved in community activities – this could be anything to helping at Church to organising his friends into a football team.

Your husband appears to be an intelligent man and I am sure that with your help and support he will eventually find a job.

Aunty

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2 comments

  1. SIDO

    I would also want to encourage my brother that, winners never quit. It happened to me if i remember those days i tell you it was like hell was near me. image 7 good yeas waiting to start working but i never lost my hope. 7 times a righteous man will fall and 7 times he will bounce back, that’s what the bible tells me and so put you trust in GOD, He will renew your strength every day my brother. God is allowing you to go through that so that He can prepare you for that good job………… Accountant by professional (studying ZICA Professional)

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